Monthly Archives: January 2013

I’ll Be Back


“Thank you for calling ‘First Impressions P.R. Inc.’ how may I direct your call?”
“I would like to speak to Skip Chatterly please.”
“Who may I say is calling?”
“Dan D. Lion.”
“Ok, Mr. Lion, I’ll see if Skip is available, please hold.”

“Skip here, who’s there?”
“Hi Dan, what can I do for you today?”
“Well, Mr. Chatterly, I am the President of “Floral Order of the Taraxacum Officinale.”
“The what?”
“Commonly known as the Dandelion…you know the bright yellow flowers that pop up every spring and bring beauty and glee to millions and millions of people.”
“Dandelions…they are weeds in my yard…pesky little buggers, I can’t get rid of them.”
“Precisely the point of my call Mr. Chatterly. Our numbers are legion; our radiant splendor makes even the blandest plot of land glow in gold tones under the springtime sun. We have been much maligned over time and we would like to hire your firm to give us a new image.”
“A new image Dan?”
“Yes, Skip. We believe that with the proper branding and an effective advertising campaign the Dandelion could and should be more popular than the highly over-rated rose. Think about it Skip, you lop of a roses’ head and it takes weeks for it to recuperate, fragile little wimps. Whack our heads off and we are back in your yard within hours in even stronger numbers and more determined to survive than ever. We are not only lovely to look at, but we are also useful. Our leaves are edible, our blossoms are medicinal and we make a delicious potent potable that could leave W. C. Fields speechless. What does a rose have other than hips?”
“I get your point Dan, but my father-in-law owns a flower shop and I believe that taking on your account might be a conflict of interest. I would not want to upset my wife or in-laws. Surely, you can understand that, right?”
“Remember, Skip, I know where you live in that Taupe Ghetto in Suburbatory with the manicured lawn. My friends and I can make life miserable for you and your haughty neighbors. Think about it Skip. Mull over the options and I will call tomorrow for your final answer.”
“I leave you with a quote from the best actor to ever live, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
I’ll be back….and back…..and back….and back…and back….and back….and back….